To my Love on our wedding anniversary,
I always wanted this – the security and quiet radiating joy of a lifelong love affair. When we made promises to love, honor, protect, and cherish 14 years ago, I was overjoyed and honored you chose me, but we really didn’t understand what that all meant. But after all this time, I have a much better idea of what we promised. So here’s to what it all means…
To the literally thousands of “what do you want for dinner?” conversations and “not it!” chore avoidances.
Here’s to the 6,170 days (our full romance) of kisses and pop culture references and wondering “what the hell are you doing??” and adamantly arguing over time travel theories. To all the cherished playlists you’ve made me over the years because your favorite songs often express your very complicated heart better than you can. (I love those so much, you don’t even know!) To the endless list of books we tell the other to read and shuffle back and forth between our nightstands and Kindle apps. To the shows we watch over and over together because they are now a balm for our tired souls and shared brain comfort food. To you making the eggs (because I apparently burn mine and it angers you even though you don’t have to eat them) and me making the coffee (because you couldn’t make a good cup of coffee to save our lives and I don’t even know how that’s possible). To “we-ness” over “I-ness” every day of the week and twice on Sundays.
To creating our kid; that fearful and excited year of a surprise high risk pregnancy, the 44 hours of labor you held my hand and fed me ice as I birthed her with doctors worrying I’d stroke out. To the countless hours we share worrying about, cooing at, arguing with, and cuddling our now not-so-little human we made.
Here’s to the hard times we survived. The overdue bills and exhausting schedules. To the intense struggles against a crap economy as we were starting out. To the late night fights in which we were our own worst enemies because no one gave us a manual on how to do this marriage thing well. To me believing in you when you only saw the worst in yourself. (You’re a good man, Charlie Brown, and I always knew you were.) To you thinking I was brilliant and beautiful when I was unshowered in Doctor Who pajama pants for the third day in a row yelling at my computer because my business website wasn’t working only to start dancing with our preschooler who was demanding another round of the Wonder Pets song. Here’s to me saying literally exactly what I mean even though you still read layers into it that don’t exist outside of your imagination. To you insinuating you might sort of want to kinda do this thing and me actually thinking (even after all these years) that you weren’t just declaring in your very specific introverty feeler way that you want me to do that thing, please and thank you.
Here’s to falling in and out of love many times over the years. We have become different people than we were when we started and each new version of ourselves had to choose this, choose us. To honoring not only our shared journey but our individual journeys as well. To holding onto grace when we’re in that part of the cycle in which we’ve fallen out of love. To knowing we will choose to fall in love again, because we’ve agreed we’re in it to the end of the line.
Here’s to us teaming up (SOON??) to teach others so maybe they don’t have to suffer the way we did in the beginning. To healing ourselves, to helping each other heal, to helping others heal.
To fighting the good fight by day and snuggling something fierce each night on the couch with our little family. To all the adventures we can’t yet name or imagine, but will navigate together.
Most importantly, here’s to you and me in all of time and space. Always. You are my one special person to love and annoy for the rest of our days – may those days be long and healthful, weird and wonderful.
I love you, Husband. You’re my favorite.